i should be in indy enjoying some gorgeous rock and roll eye candy right about now, but nooooooo, i'm here, updating my livejournal because cvs is a whore. i need a man and a cigarette. i have neither. i do, however, have an antipsychotic that will knock me on my ass in about a half an hour and made me sleep so i won't realize i don't have a man or a cigarette. open mouth, swallow, wait a bit, and ta da: zzzzzz. desperate is a good word to describe how i feel right now. open mouth, swallow, wait a bit....

it's better to not know what you want than to know what you want and not have it. when you don't know, you dwell on not knowing. when you know, you dwell on not having it and it's soooo worse. dwell is a fucking hilarious word and now i'm having a hard time taking myself seriously. ugh.

today at work i sat and read "kingdom of fear" by hunter s. thompson. the following paragraph sent me into hysterics: i was there that day, and i thought a bomb had gone off right in front of me. i was unconscious for a while, but not for long. when i woke up i was being dragged toward a shiny sky-blue ambulance by two well-meaning medics from the sheriff's office...i twisted out their grasp and back against an ice machine. "okay, boys," i said calmly, "the joke is over. let's not get crazy about this. give me some air, gentlemen," i croaked. "i feel a little jangled, but i know it will pass. get your hands off me, you pigfucker!" no doubt it sounded rude to the casual onlookers, but in truth, it was not. i was just kidding with them. they know me.

it's not particularly funny, but i'm prone to random outbursts of laughter.